I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
