idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's shark week go big or go home
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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