yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
