Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
