So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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