Your face is a jimmy john
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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