i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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