I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So here I am, sexting at work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
