so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
