Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
