There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
