Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
