You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
