you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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