as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
