I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
