a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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