i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
