True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Watching her eat just hurts me
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
