So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
