DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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