you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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