Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
