I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
