I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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