Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
