apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
