I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
