Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
as a side note pls kill me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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