Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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