at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize
