you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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