I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
