Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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