you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
