It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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