my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
