Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
