The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
