I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
