names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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