I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
