woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
