It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
