My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
