the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
