dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
