Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
