I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
