is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize