Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
