hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
