So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
