Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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