forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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