He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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