Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
