you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
