I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
