If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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