he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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